Whether you’re married with kids, dating, or in your teens, telling your loved one you’re pregnant and it is unplanned pregnancy can be a tough conversation. No matter how you feel about your pregnancy (excited, anxious, unhappy, excited, etc.), you try to process your own emotions and you allow someone else’s emotions (feelings that are the same or very different from those yours) . Sometimes you have to get up. Every woman in a situation should do what’s right for her, but if you’re looking for a little guidance, we’ve put together a list of tips to start the conversation about your unplanned pregnancy.
Make sure you are pregnant
If you’re emotionally close to your partner, you can tell him you think you’re pregnant before checking to see if it’s true. But many women prefer to be sure before entering into this conversation. You can take a pregnancy test at home, but the best and most surefire way is to see a doctor.
check your feelings
First of all, you should know that you are not alone. Did you know that almost half of all pregnancies in the world are unplanned? Unfortunately, our society often turns to women who accidentally become pregnant. But that’s bullshit. A woman who has multiple children can have at least one abortion.
But unplanned pregnancies can have much more complex emotions than “how did that happen?”. An unplanned pregnancy can bring negative emotions if you are not in the right place to have a baby personally, financially or in your relationship. Even if you are fully capable of taking care of your child, you may have mixed feelings. Don’t be afraid to admit these feelings. Consult a counselor, therapist, or close friend if you need help solving it.
Then think about how you will tell your partner or parents. Again, you may want to ignore the thoughts of your advisor or close friends. Practice what you are trying to say. Plan to be open and clear.
Schedule when to speak
Do yourself and your spouse or parents a favor and don’t bring up the subject if either of you is going to work, going out in public, or otherwise busy. Your spouse or parents, even if they welcome the news, may have an immediate reaction that requires time and privacy.
Avoid negative words like “bad news” or “I hope you’re not angry.” This will only make your partner or parents nervous before you even tell them.
If you discuss this with your partner, you can use pronouns that confirm that you did it together. We’re going to have a baby,” your partner may remind you that tango is for two people and you didn’t do it all alone.
For unplanned pregnancies, the initial reactions of partners and parents may be negative. Be prepared, and if the other person is angry or upset, act as calmly as possible, even if you say something to hurt them. Remember that you have had the time to deal with the trauma of an unplanned pregnancy. Now it’s your turn to make a drastic mental change. Even if the person is ultimately happy, the initial reaction can take the form of a lower sense of location, so give them time and space to process it. But if the conversation starts to get too negative, you feel like you can’t keep your cool, or you feel threatened in any way, walk away.
Express feelings openly and honestly
Are you excited and happy? Do you worry about the financial burden of your child? are you scared? Are you considering an abortion or adoption? These are questions your spouse or parents are likely to ask you, and I hope you are ready to answer them. Don’t be afraid to admit that this is common. Remember, whether it’s your husband or your parents, they want you to be happy and healthy and they are there to help you.
Find a counselor to talk to if you don’t feel like you’re getting the support you need. If you’re a teen and can’t talk openly with your parents about your feelings and needs, you can offer emotional support to your teen, doctor, older relative, friend, or teacher.
Make a decision together if possible
Whether or not you have a child affects everyone in your life, including your spouse, other children, and your parents (even if you’re an adult and especially a teen). You should discuss your feelings and choices, and together you can make decisions about having a child, abortion, or adoption.
This conversation may become more complicated if you are a teenager, as your parents’ desires may conflict with yours. Your parents may want to have an abortion, but you would like to carry the child.